The male ponytail, despite its slight moment of popularity during the early 90s "Euro-trash" trend, is a modern fashion faux pas. Today, the only males who proudly sport ponytails are bikers and heavy metal fans. Neither of these categories epitomize contemporary style and fashion.
Although supporting evidence is slim, one speculates if the propensity toward ponytails isn't somehow evolved from a childhood spent in a low-income rural neighborhood or trailer park, where "rat tails" are a common phenomenon among young males. The "rat tail", which in many respects may be considered a baby ponytail, is a ridiculous style which is seldom worn in affluent and sophisticated urban areas. Left to his own devices, a boy wearing a rat tail will most likely grow up to be a man wearing either a ponytail or (even worse) a mullet, condemned to not only a life of bad hair, but a life of low-paying and back-breaking manual labor as well.
Is this intended to imply that a person's hair style determines that person's lot in life? Yes, of course. We live in a world where image is everything, and success is largely dependent not on how well one performs, but how well one looks. Naturally, there are exceptions to every rule. After all, fashion icon Karl Lagerfeld has a ponytail which borders on mulletness. However, if you happen to be the head designer for Chanel or Fendi like the German-born Lagerfeld, then you can wear your hair any way you darn well please and no one will say a thing about it.
Since 99% of us aren't Karl Lagerfeld, this means that male ponytails are not only a fashion abomination, but also a hindrance to meaningful employment. Sure, there are plenty of ponytailed jerks riding around in Mercedes and BMWs, but these men probably have lucrative jobs in the adult film industry, where one is expected to look like a complete tool. It's a job requirement for their chosen profession. In the real world, most men with ponytails end up with less-than-enthralling careers in dusty factories and auto repair shops.
The moral of the story? The male ponytail is only acceptable for certain professions: German fashion designer, adult video producer, and those guys at Jiffy Lube who change oil. The rest of us would be well-advised to adopt a hair style that does not require rubber bands.
